People often tell me that they don’t need a therapist because they have friends they can talk to. While that may be true, very few of us speak to our friends without a filter, so ultimately; we are still alone with our darkest, scariest, most off the wall thoughts. And that’s where therapy comes in.
Our head can be a scary place, the thoughts we think and the things that consume our mind are often things we have an intense amount of shame over. In order to avoid the shame, we try to ignore the thoughts, we push them aside, pretend that we actually didn’t mean to think them, tell ourselves that they were a one-time fluke and we try to exert control.
We begin to take action, we think if we change the thing we had a thought about then everything will be ok. So we busy ourselves, the thoughts still come, so we do more, until we are always doing because when we stop and have free head space, the thoughts continue to come. Nothing works. We’re stuck, with the same problem, but in a worse off state.
I am a holding space, a container for you. You get to come in here and unpack everything that’s in your head, the dark, the deep, the struggles, the hopes and dreams, the judgments, the realities, all of it. There is no judgment, just space to open up and explore. We work together, I hold everything out in the open and we look at it, really look at it, maybe for the very first time. And once you feel like it no longer holds power over you, you get to decide if it’s something you want to keep, and you either hold onto it again, with understanding and acceptance or you let it go. But none of that happens alone.
Body dissatisfaction. We all know what it is, we have all been there, to some degree, but this is so much more than that. Whether we are standing in front of a mirror, trying on clothes, catching a glimpse of our reflection, we recognize the pit in our stomach, the feeling of intense dislike, and we link it to what we see. And that’s where the problem begins…we begin to control, and eventually it controls us, and we’re stuck, feeling like there’s no way out.It’s not about the relationship with the body; it’s about the relationship with the self. The body is just the vehicle we attach the dislike to because it’s the physical representation of the self. We desperately try to alter the body in hopes that we might change how we feel about ourselves.
Whether you feel like you are living out a life sentence or are in a difficult season, there is help. There are better ways of being together. Life does not have to be lived separately yet side by side. Do you want durable? Do you want decades? Then let’s get started, let’s begin the work of bridging the gap of distance that has settled between you and your partner and let’s break the silence.
What does it mean to divorce proof? How do we prevent marriage demise? We build strong relationships; relationships that are durable, that stand the test of time, patience, and hardship. We aren’t talking about once a year grand gestures or fake movie style romance, divorce proofing is digging in to the average, daily, unglamorous rhythm of relationships and making them truly beautiful. This is the work that prevents a slow fade into silence and tolerance. So, if you are in a relationship and you want it to last, you need eye to eye, toe to toe, secret revealing, heart pounding deep connection. This is the stuff that moves your relationship from disposable into durable.
“It has come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sit back and let things happen to them, they go out…and happen to things.”
-leonardo da vinci
Here’s the thing…we all have goals, the problem isn’t the goal, the problem is often that we know exactly what we need to do in order to get to our goal and yet we don’t do what we know we need to. Coaching is not therapy. Coaching is much more external. It’s about identifying a goal and figuring out how to make that goal a reality. It’s about logistics, identifying barriers, exploring solutions, and accountability. Coaching is concerned with the external process of getting to a goal and finding ways tailored to you and your needs that get you there.